A Sarcastic Suggestion For Death Penalty

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Death penalty proponents are becoming increasingly concerned (especially in Texas), that because lethal injections have proved unreliable in dispatching the condemned, it will be used as an excuse by some for doing away with capital punishment.

Former Texas Governor Rick Perry, an ardent death penalty supporter and “Pro-Life” advocate, feels executions are necessary if we are to weed out society’s misfits and keep the folks safe.

Ever since “old sparky” was replaced by pharmaceuticals, things just haven’t been the same. To relieve the good people’s anxiety from the Lone Star state over this potential problem, permit me to offer a “modest proposal”: Bring back public hangings, or at least the firing squad. Better yet, how about beheadings!

I think re-establishing these tried and true forms of punishment would go a long way in restoring people’s confidence in this conservative state – make ‘em feel right at home. And I’d go one step further. To ensure the folks the job was done right, I recommend televising all executions in between NASCAR pit-stop races.

In addition, I urge capital punishment events be viewed complete with slow-motion, stop-action and instant replay coverage, along with in-depth color commentary analysis. All of which I’m sure would exponentially add to the day’s festivities. Just think of the T.V. ratings!

I sincerely hope death penalty backers will assiduously consider these most reasonable and constructive proposals that I believe will effectively end the lethal injection controversy once and for all.

 

Borden Applegate
Jackson

 

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